He was a friend of mine..

I've been thinking about Luke a lot lately. I am always reminded whenever I see a train or train tracks, though it doesn't hurt as much. There was a train on my way home today and tears came to my eyes, as they are now. I'm going to let myself. I miss him so much. It's almost like it still hasn't sunk in. It's so surreal to think that my good friend killed himself. It's not like I didn't know that sadness was there. He didn't have a great life. But I miss him and he had a big impact on my life. I don't regret getting mad at him about doing drugs. I was looking out for him, because I know no one else cared enough to do anything. I always think of him when pokemon or yugioh or sonic or any of those things from my past come into my mind. He was a really cool kid in my eyes. He raised so many of his pokemon to level 100. I think I still have the level 100 absol he traded to Kevin, who was playing my game. I miss that group of friends.. I always hung out with the guys and we roleplayed pokemon and sonic and megaman. I still had my innocence back then. I didn't know how hard and cold the world truly is. Luke found out the hard way. Moving to Ontario didn't help any..I wish he could have stayed back. Kevin and Wyatt would have always been there for him. He may have killed himself anyway but he would have been better off at least having those two. We grew up together and were like a family..I remember going on the Terry Fox Run and jumping on graves on the way back. His aunt yelled at us because they might break and we'd fall in. All I know is that I had fun with them. And I still can't believe Luke's gone. He knew all hidden messages in Harry Potter and the meanings of everything. He read most of Naruto. He was my hero in a way. A part of me left with him, but a part of me also became stronger. I was able to see how much it affected everyone. The whole community. Eyebrow Hall was full for his memorial. His guitar was there (apparently he had become really good at electric) and his newspaper delivery bag. There was a table for people to put things on that reminded them of him. I wrote a letter to him. Some of my friends put a block of cheese. That made me laugh. He would come to school and just eat a huge chunk of cheese. He had so many things that made him, him. Like his long greasy hair, and the way he'd flip it out of his eyes, or hide from the world behind it. His aunt was a wreck. I had started going to counseling and the mental health counselor at my school because I had been feeling suicidal. Talia told me to go after one day when I called her up really wanting to die. We went for a drive and she talked to me. I started seeing them after that. I wasn't doing good at all when I first went. I cut and cried every night. I thought I suffered from depression. I got a wake up call from Luke though. I found out on Facebook no less..during school..Kelsey was the first person I talked to and she stayed with me in the bathroom while I phoned my mom then I went to see Ms.S. I was crying in the halls, in front of everyone, but I didn't notice. But I realized..I can't do that to the people who love me. No matter what happens the world keeps moving, it doesn't give a shit what happens in your life, you have to give a shit about yourself. Lately I've been doing alot better. Last Monday when I saw Ms.S I rated myself as feeling 10/10, that had never happened before. I had been 1, and 5 usually. I feel like a stronger person. I didn't even cut, or have the urge to cut, when caleb dumped me. I'm doing alot better now. I have more confidence in myself as a person, and my self worth. I'm beginning to learn it's okay to be myself and make mistakes and act like an idiot. Everyone else does.

Thank you Luke. I will always love you and remember you. <3